How long has life felt like this? Since June, when I started the ball rolling by asking my dodgy landlord to move.
It’s been weeks at a much, far higher level of activity that I’ve experienced since the long-ago, beginning months of holding down a job with a new diagnosis of MECFS. The last weeks have felt the same.
It was time to stop, one way or another. It was time.
I wish I could have an x-ray capacity in my brain, one that is like Superhero powers and does blood tests, CT Scans, heart rate monitoring and blood pressure monitoring just by running my eyes over my reflection in my bathroom mirror.
What has the last few weeks done to my body and mind, I ask myself. Not the things I know about already, when I’ve felt anxious (fight and flight response happens when adrenaline courses through your body), or crashed or had payback, I think about the stuff that you can’t see by looking. The stuff your biology does, the stuff you can’t see unless your Doctor runs tests. That’s the stuff that niggles at me from the back of my mind.
It’s that stuff that coupled with having MECFS complicates your body and I’m sure puts us at a higher risk of developing things that are also not good, like diabetes.
That had to stop and stop it did.
I’m writing from under my quilt on my sofa. Outside as the stress tornado passes, it has become warm and light. Summer is back. Ordinarily on a day like today I’d be outside, sitting in a lounger or lying down resting and sleeping.
Today, though I’m taking a day to appreciate that life no longer feels like it’s throwing rocks at my head, or that my stress is adding to them.
Today is a day of much-needed calm, doing nothing much, thinking nothing much and rest.
© Lindy 2015