It’s been a few days since I last posted.
That’s partly because my attention has been elsewhere. Packing up and moving for a spoonie means that there’s hardly any time left to think about adding a blog post into the mix. There just isn’t enough energy left after battling with bulging boxes.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, moving home for someone who is well, is stressful. For someone who has MECFS it’s like riding a runaway horse up a steep mountain slope while you slip and slide around in the saddle. The trick is how to stay on it without falling off.
Saying that, I was feeling quite proud of my pacing approach to packing and generally it was working.
I started packing some weeks ago and have been throwing out a load of stuff as I’ve gone along too. That means that it’s not all happened at once on a short deadline, which for anyone with ME is a huge trigger for a crash. I’d also found friends and family to help me and a local removal firm who would help get the big stuff moved in. It all sounded a little bit too good to be true…and it was!!
Today I found out from my landlord that the flat I’m supposed to move into needs a lot of work doing to it before I can move in. I won’t know exactly when that is until Monday. They say: “maybe 2 weeks.” I’m so annoyed.
So despite what feels like endless minutes listening to lift music on the phone to Virgin Media when I’ve been organising switching off my lifeblood – the internet- for next Friday and installing it in the new flat on Saturday, I’ve had to grit my teeth and rearrange this. Yes, they let you do that, in case anyone thinks they wouldn’t.
It’s not the move, though, that’s taken my attention away over the last few days. I come from a small but close family. My sister, HS is married to Mr. S.
On Sunday he had an ultrasound on his testicle due to pain there and they suspect that he has cancer.
This is, of course, extremely upsetting for me, my sister and our family. If this is the case, it will be the 5th person in 10 years who is close to us, who will have battled cancer. Reading about testicular cancer – or TC – it seems it’s a ‘good one to have’ and that if it’s caught early the prognosis is great.
Which is what’s keeping us hanging on while we all wait for the follow-up appointment with the Urologist.
If he is the 5th person in the last 10 years in our lives who has battled this ugly, disgusting disease, he will be the first person in the run who we expect won’t die of it. All the others have done you see, including his parents.
So I’ve been feeling really sad, hurt and upset over the last few days and I’ve been doing a lot of crying. 😦
Suddenly my house move seems unimportant in the overall scheme of things. It’s just packing stuff up, then moving stuff from one location to another, then unpacking stuff again. So what if there’s a wait. I can survive an extra week’s wait to get into a home that is clean, finished and habitable.
Today I saw Crystal, my counsellor. As you can imagine with everything that is going on, it was a welcome relief to have 50 minutes to let it all out.
I didn’t realise until quite far into this illness how it is important it is when you have ME that you have to protect your mental well being as much as your physical well being.
The two are always connected, of course, but for someone with ME having a big emotional thing to deal with is a big risk – a risk to one’s overall health and stability.
I have NO idea why strong emotions affect people with ME so much, but they do. I have to live in as calm a bubble as I possibly can to remain as well as I can. It’s as essential as breathing.
So the aim, the trick over the next couple of weeks will be to take the reigns on that runaway horse, pull them tight, stop the horse from it’s canter and get it, my health and my life under control. This is so I can remain well while these slings and arrows are firing in the air around me.
© Lindy 2015